A Reader’s Question on Love for All
Another
reader has sent me a question. I love that a few people are reading this blog
and feel prompted to reach out with questions and comments. I never
expected to be asked to address the Buddha’s teachings here, but I welcome it,
and will do my best.
So here is the question that came in this morning:
“I
can see that you love the Earth very much. If Buddha’s teaching of love supports
love of Mother Nature, why doesn’t it also support romantic love between two people?”
That’s
a great question. Years ago, I took Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings on
love into my heart. I’ll try here to respond using Thay’s teachings (which are
my beliefs) on the subject:
The
Buddha was a teacher of love.True love. And all love should be true love. If it is
true love, it will bring a lot of happiness to both you and the object of your love. If it is not true love, it will make you suffer, and the object of your love will suffer.
If, for instance, your love for Mother Earth is not true, then
you will suffer, and Mother Earth will suffer. As she does now.
The
Buddha was not at all adversarial to romantic love. But there are some
characteristics of true love that must be present.
In
the teachings of the Buddha, true love needs four elements:
1.
Loving kindness. The capacity to offer kindness should be cultivated in true
love. If you cannot offer kindness, that's not true love. You should train
yourself to bring loving kindness to both the other person and yourself.
2.
Compassion. Compassion is the energy that can transform suffering – in you and
in the object of your love. If you can't transform suffering, it's not true
love. That’s why Karuna – compassion – should be constantly cultivated by you and the
other person. Romantic or not romantic isn’t important. Whether it is true love
or not is important.
3.
Joy. If by loving, you make the other person suffer, it's not true love.
4.
Inclusiveness. Their suffering is your suffering. Their happiness is your
happiness. There is no frontier between you and the
other person. You can never say, “That’s your problem”. You should always say, “Your
suffering is my suffering. Your joy is my joy.”
Finally, if
you are successful in your efforts to love purely, very soon, your love will be
all-embracing. The other person will no longer be the one and only object of your love. Your
love will embrace all of us. Your love will become limitless. It will grow to include all things – humans, animals, vegetables, and
minerals. That is great love. That is Karuna. That is the love of the Buddha.
/II\
Namaste
