Just Keep Saying Yes
A
reader of yesterday’s blog post emailed me with a question last night. She
wanted to know, after learning that I’ve just registered for two Buddhist Faith
Fellowship education events, am marching in a political protest this weekend,
am maintaining two large food gardens, work full time, care for a husband and
two dogs, study at Wesleyan, am learning Tibetan, have three college degrees,
am a Reiki master, a UConn certified master gardener, and a state certified horticultural
professional, if I ever have time to just relax. She wanted to know – do I ever
give myself the gift of doing nothing?
All
the time, in fact. It may look like I’m crazy busy, but I’m definitely not.
Most of the accomplishments listed above were realized over the course of
years. Today, I’m engaged with a joyful marriage, Asian and language studies, veganism
and veganic gardening, volunteer work and activism, as well as a full-time job,
but I’m not a Type A personality at all. No, this girl loves to kick it as
often as possible.
But I
have a reverence for learning and experience that I doubt will ever go away. A
long time ago, I learned to say ‘yes’ more than I say ‘no’. By saying yes to
whatever events or energy shows up, the good things and the bad things all
become teachings – opportunities to learn, to grow, and to be humbled.
Recently,
my husband and I lost a loved one to cancer. And while being with a loved one
as she dies from such a ruthless disease is saddening, the truth about such
loss is that if we say yes to it, the experience helps us wake up.
Instead
of rejecting what was happening, my husband and I integrated it into our lives
– we ministered to our loved one for many months, didn’t struggle in vain to
keep her alive when she was ready to go, didn’t reproach her medical caregivers
when they made mistakes, and didn’t ignore the fact that she was on her very last
journey here. We acknowledged it, accepted it, allowed it, and even blessed it.
We journeyed with her as far as we could, and then she carried herself the rest
of the way - as we all do someday.
Our
experience of her death was sad, but not tragic. Had we fought it each step of
the way, saying ‘no’ again and again, her pain and our pain would have been greatly
amplified.
This
is the power of saying ‘yes’. I believe in walking through life saying ‘yes’
over and over. Saying yes opens up trust within us: trust that everything is
going to be all right. Saying yes opens up creativity by teaching us new ways
to express ourselves. We relax with whatever energy comes our way and whatever
people bring into our lives. Saying yes brings up a lot of incredible new
experiences. We receive visions, ideas, and inspiration.
There
is one caveat: by saying ‘yes’, we often need to say ‘no’ to others. By that I
mean that if I’ve decided on a life based on ‘yes’, and people arrive who
practice ‘no’ – people who aren’t evolving; who are addicted to anger, conflict
and confrontation; who causally lie and engage in deception; and who rob our
energies. Whether it’s people from the past who don’t understand present
boundaries, or people in the present who are not caring and supportive and who
take no responsibility for their actions, they can be real threats to our safety
and well-being, and it's vital that we say ‘no’ to them.
We
also often need to say ‘no’ to circumstances as well. A relationship (job,
family, friend, or intimate) that isn’t serving our highest good, an
environment that doesn’t inspire us, or a person with whom we have bad alchemy.
By alchemy, I mean whatever energy shows up between you and another. Sometimes,
it’s inherently great; other times, it’s not.
But also
know that alchemy changes. Someone who was good for you then might not be good
for you now. It doesn’t mean that that person became ‘bad’ and deserves blame.
It just means that the alchemy has changed. By saying ‘yes’ to that, we can lovingly
end our journey with them and open ourselves to new experiences that serve who
we are becoming.
Just
keep saying ‘yes’. Say ‘yes’ to opportunities to grow through travel, education,
new challenges, giving away stuff, loving completely, voicing opinions,
changing jobs, dong what you love, living in peace, and forgiving completely.
Say
‘yes’ to love, compassion, diversity, the unknown, and the untried. Say ‘yes’
to letting go of the past and truly creating a life that brings you joy. Say
’yes’ to actualizing your dreams through concrete action. Move to a new part of
the world. Study a new discipline. Make a new friend. Take up a cause.
Just
keep saying ‘yes’. Let ‘yes’ fuel you. Say ‘yes’ to pain, disappointment,
disease, and loss. The good things and the bad things will all become
teachings. Let it all roll in.
Live
in peace.